False Memories: A Strange, Yet Common and Unsettling Phenomenon.

Did you ever wonder how on earth people can turn on their own families?   I see it every single day in practice: the results of families that have been torn apart by one abuser who decided to take control of the narrative by creating a target out of a person (usually an ex-spouse) In order to gain coercive control and to hurt the target as much as possible.  The damage is catastrophic.  Yes, of course it hurts that target, but the people it hurts even more are those for whom the false narratives are created - and they do believe them 100%.  Until years later, when they finally gain the ability to make contact with the target again only to learn they have had meaningful years of relationship stolen from them by a psychopath.

Most often, the real abuser eventually finds that (s)he is no longer the “go-to” person - often ends up alone - because of the destruction now revealed to be intentionally created.  Again, I see this every single day and it is heartbreaking how common it is.

Studies have shown this is typically used by destructive individuals with no concern for anyone but themselves.  Here is an article that explains it even better:

How False Memories Can Ensnare Us in a Cycle of Abuse

A dangerous form of manipulation used to control and isolate individuals.

False Allegations

How common are they? When someone wants to implode a marriage and turn the tables on the spouse they’ve abused for years, it is rather common. But how often do women/girls, and, at times, young men, come forward to falsely accuse someone they’ve loved for years of the horrible crime of sexual abuse? Rarely. Very rarely. Unfortunately, however, because the narrative is an unfriendly one that no one wants to believe, usually victims are shamed into silence by the friends and family (including church family) they are supposed to be able to trust - and (more often in cases of children/teens) will even change their story to regain support if necessary. This does immeasurable damage.

The organization GRACE Investigations (a Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment) is hosting a webinar on this very topic this next week, on August 13, 2025 at 1pm Eastern. Here is the link: https://us06web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_19vVit-LRNS7zc0RkFtzvw#/registration